He arrived to my bedpost one morning before I awakened
His tall stature hovered over me zapping me to another place
The eerie thick fog could not shroud his slender figure as we stood poised face to face in an abyss
He stroked his heavy, thick, white beard
The hairs on my arms started to prickle.
My feet damp and cold, I swiftly escaped his presence.
His deep lungs gathered air and exhaled out
“Seize the moment, for I shall come to you
when your time has expired.”
He arrived to my bedpost one morning before I awakened
Cupid was drawn to her silky brown hair,
as he mounted himself on the oak tree.
Her window had been left open all day
for the lilac air to linger throughout her bedroom.
Cupid stretched his arm back and
quarreled with the arrow, nearly losing balance.
He aimed, but couldn’t release the shot of lust.
Desire fired in his eyes for her love, affection, and compassion
Cupid’s wings fluttered vigorously
Startling the woman before they made eye contact
As he turned his back and ascended away
She discovered the trench engraved on his backside from the tussle with his own arrow.
Mom doesn’t love me and never wants me to spend time with her. Wednesdays are her days to be with me, to take me with her to have fun. But Wednesday after Wednesday she doesn’t show up; it shouldn’t be a surprise that she never does. But it hurts, less each time. This swing that I sit on holds me just right. It was made for me. It might not be new or bright, but it holds me. The swing looks old; maybe it’s as old as my grandpa. When you swing as hard and as long as you can you start to get calluses. At least that’s what Grandpa calls them. He says calluses protect my hands from getting hurt all the time. Maybe my heart has its own calluses? The swing holds me and sways with me whether I want to swing hard or slow. It follows me like my grandpa’s shadow follows him. Peter Pan lost his shadow; hopefully my grandpa doesn’t lose his. He sits on the porch watching me watch for my mom. He always seems to know what’s wrong. He’s like my swing: safe and always waiting. My tears drop onto my grandpa’s shirt just like they drop on the swing’s rope when I realize my mom’s not coming again. The swing is like my grandfather. They never let me fall, and someday when one won’t be here, maybe both will be gone, but for now my swing is my shadow.
Wednesday August 31, 2011
11:35 p.m. “Thanks for hanging up again, u didn’t let me say the things, bye”
11:45p.m. “Just let me say it so u can go to bed ok”
11:46 p.m. “Please”
11:47 p.m. “I do love u and I know u love me. I don’t want it to be over just tired of fighting like this”
11:47 p.m. “We were meant for each other”
11:49 p.m. “It can’t be over, please answer your phone and text back”
11:49 p.m. “I wanna say night night and I love u, I need to say these things to u”
11:51 p.m. “Listen to ur voicemail, I am just tired of fighting ok, I love u vry vry much and I do care about u a lot and I do wanna see u this weekend ok, love u”
11:52 p.m. “I am actually crying right now and can’t sleep, I wanna be with u and I do love u”
11:55 p.m. “Night night, I love u baby”
11:56 p.m. “Please don’t be serious about breaking up cause I am really crying
11:59 p.m. “Listen I am sorry baby, I just have never been through this and I hate us fighting, I love u with all my heart and wanna be with u, I know u need time and that’s fine”
Thursday September 1, 2011
12:07 a.m. “I do truly love u. I am just sick of fighting so no more of it ok. I can’t wait to see u sat, I really am sorry”
12:08 a.m. “U don’t know how bad I am hurting right now, I don’t want to lose u, u are my baby and I love u, I can’t sleep cause I am hurting”
12:08 a.m. “I am so sorry”
12:08 a.m. “U are leaving to go to college tomorrow and I can’t bear to think of u away from me…u still have things here you were going to take with u”
12:09 a.m. “Answer please, we don’t need to be over, I wanna say night night”
12:10 a.m. “Please, I wanna say the stuff to u”
12:11 a.m. “I love u”
12:12 a.m. “I truly do, I promise I will say the stuff and u can go to bed. I aint cause I am crying too much”
12:13 a.m. “I am crying right now, I don’t wanna lose u”
12:13 a.m. “Please let me say the things baby”
12:13 a.m. “I thought u loved me and wanted to be with me, that’s what you told me not a week ago.”
12:15 a.m. “I guess u don’t love me. Well fuck u. Have fun fucking someone else”
12:20 a.m. “I am so sorry I didn’t mean any of what I just said, forgive me please”
12:21 a.m. “I just messaged ur stepmom and dad, I told them I’d be comin over to see everyone this wknd”
7:17 a.m. “I love u vry much, its my fault and ur not to blame”
7:17 a.m. “I just got back from a drive, haven’t slept yet”
7:18 a.m. “I am so sorry baby, I still wanna be with u, call me if u get a chance b4 u go to class”
7:19 a.m. “If not have a good morning at classes and I love u vry vry much and miss u like crazy, I am sorry”
7:19 a.m. “Do u want the tv and stand?”
7:22 a.m. “If u want to watch ur shows at college ull need the tv”
7:38 a.m. “I love u”
7:48 a.m. “Have a good morning at work, I love u and miss u, call me sometime
not to talk but I just wanna hear ur voice. I got the tv loaded up”
7:50 a.m. “Since I lost my mechanics job yesterday because of u, thank god I got a new one today at different shop”
8:27 a.m. “Do u wanna go to florida over a break? I was looking at prices and they aren’t as bad as I thought”
8:39 a.m. “Listen to ur voicemail when u get free time, I love u vry much, I don’t wanna break up, u need a break and that’s fine I have never been through this. I wanna be with u and see u this weekend, and hearing ur sweet voice, I fucked up so it’s my fault not urs”
Friday September 2, 2011
7:17 a.m. “U didn’t call last night and say good night ”
8:30 a.m. “U know what? Fuck u and ur family. U meant nothing to me anyway.
There r prettier and sexier girls than u. Enjoy ur fucking wonderful life”
90 missed calls and 20 voice mails later I started to enjoy my fucking wonderful life.
The one smell that you never get used to is the smell of a hospital. No matter how often you have stayed in or visited the hospital, it still smells the same. An odd mixture of death and bleach as if some special company made them this unique scent. Yet no matter what I do, the smell will never escape me in this place. I even went out and bought one of those pine tree air fresheners for my grandpa’s room, but it only masked the smell for a couple hours; it’s an unstoppable force. It makes me think that the smell wafts in the air for me to come back, and at the right opportune moment it strikes. It knows that I won’t turn back because the one person I care about the most is five floors up in this stench.
Once a person gets used to the smell, the next thing to get used to is the boredom that rains from every surface you encounter. To become an expert at hospitals you have to learn how to deal with boredom; you learn to occupy your time with anything and everything imaginable. And that’s where this story comes in, in the midst of boredom.
Looking out the window of room 514, I see almost everything the city has to offer. This room only has one window, and of course it’s facing the western horizon, so my grandfather can see the setting sun. The sun glints off the cars rolling past, whose drivers look as if they don’t have a care in the world, as if nothing could and never would go wrong. I look down at my watch on my hand and the big hand is only on the 2. I still have an hour to go before my grandfather comes out of surgery. I lean my forehead against the glass and close my eyes; the coldness against my skin calms me for a single precious moment.
“Get your head off that window.” I turn around to see my grandmother coming through the door and walking toward the dark green armchair. Everytime I see her, all I can think about is how short she is. By the time I was 12 I had already grown taller, and by the age of 13 I could put my head upon her head if I wanted to. I put my head on top of her head quite often because she would jokingly swat at me and tell me that I was only 5’2.’’ She would say that I had no room treat her like a child, and then she would smile at me like I was her world. At 20 years of age I still put my head on top of hers. It makes me feel like I can keep her with me forever. I want to see her smile like she used to, not the ghost of a smile I see now.
“Grandma, will you tell me a story?” I ask her as I walk over to the ugly light green recliner. You would think it would be comfortable because it’s ugly, yet it’s anything but. I mean one would think that the hospital would provide its patients with comfortable chairs, but obviously they don’t. They must be short of funds from buying the stench. My grandmother is currently
sitting on the only chair in this room that at least has some padding. If only I would have got to it first. I would rather sit on a cardboard chair than this creation. Yet I don’t because my grandmother would disapprove of me bringing in cardboard. My bitterness seeps through my pores just like the stench through the vents. Taking a step back the people really do try their hardest to stop the cancer from spreading in my grandfather’s lungs. It’s a coincidence that the one thing they’re trying to stop from happening in my grandfather is causing my lungs to ache with each breath.
“Sweetheart, I don’t think I can. I don’t feel up to it now.”
“Grandma, just a little one, please?” She almost never said no to my brothers and me when we asked her to tell us a story. Especially if it had to do with the myths that our Indian ancestors believed in.
“Okay. But just a little one.” I look over to Grandma and she’s closing her eyes as she starts to tell her tale. “Did I ever tell you about how Mother Nature came to be?” She opens her eyes and looks at me as I shake my head no. “Well, Mother Nature wasn’t always our Mother Earth’s caretaker, but she was once a little girl. She was born as an Indian human. She lived a human life for a while and was loved by humans. Mother Nature’s beginning is a myth our tribe believes in, and this is the tale of how it all began.” I start to close my eyes and before long I’m drifting off while my grandmother tells me her story.
The world is changing. The late autumn sky has grown pale, paler than the summer sky, and the wind is shifting its source from the north to the south. Many moons ago the tree’s limbs and hands prospered, the leaves reflections of the grasses’ color. Only a moon ago those same leaves were adjusting their colors. From the hilltop, only two bare steps from our teepee, it looks as if the trees were mimicking the animals’ colors they had seen so many times before. The red of a newly born fox, the light brown of a mother whitetail, a yellow for the eyes of a spotted owl waiting for its prey to scurry from the depths of its hiding place, and orange for a coyote’s coat.
Now, walking through the Earth’s forest, I hear the world. I hear a crunch beneath my feet. The leaves that were once upon the branches above savoring the height have now fallen, the trees sharing the color of themselves with the world below. The color won’t last long but the trees know in their hearts the cycle life goes through. They are willing to share the beauty they have created. Their leaves are dying; their place on this Earth is limited. Their part in this world almost completed. Their lives are ending with each step I take, and the last sounds they partake in are being made with the finality of the crunch it produces. I hear the limbs on the trees moving, creating the light breeze in my hair, and telling me of their sorrow. Giving up their creation year after year. Part of them, their soul.
Walking towards the trees I put my hands against one’s skin, rubbing compassion into its bark. I absently run my hand over the scar the bark lets the forest see after it gives up its leaves, the scars it forms in letting go. Many moons after the snow has been lifted and the sun creates its warmth again, the scars will go away and the tree will start to recover from its loss. But the tree has to live with its loss first, and only then will it get hopeful and remember that it’s still living. Only then will it start to bud once more. It will remember the death of its loved one, but the tree remembers that it possess the ability to create life once again upon its limbs. It will be sorrowful until then and will ache till the time is right.
Out of the corner of my eye I see my brothers Kele and Maone listening to the world around them as I am listening to the Earth’s soul. The only difference is that they hold two bows and are searching for our next meal for the tribe. I hear rustling to my left and immediately turn my eyes to the great oak. The great oak is the tree my grandmother visits daily, gaining wisdom from it to better our own chances of survival. She is the medicine woman in our tribe, and the spirits talk to her and give her advice. I move my eyes down the trunk until I see a buck searching around the great oak for grass that has not yet had the chance to die, and then I hear my brother’s movements and direction changing. I look back at them not moving, as still as the great oak stands, and see Kele’s bow being pulled and his arrow poised to fly. As I see him pull back on the horsehair, I turn back to look upon the deer. It doesn’t notice its death coming. I watch as he flicks his ears back; he hears the arrow cutting through the forest as I hear it. He turns his head and the arrow makes contact with the buck dead center with his chest.
The buck lets out a little whimper of air through his nostrils as he falls to the ground. I hear the leaves he hits crunching their death with him as he establishes his final resting place. I slowly kill the leaves as I make my way to the deer and sit in front of him. I run my hand over his head, caressing his coat while my other hand moves toward the arrow. As my right hand closes over the neck of the arrow, I slowly start to pull. The deer starts to move its head and tries to get away from the pain by trying to get up. I take my left knee and place it upon his neck to stabilize him and pull the arrow out in one tug. As I rip the arrow from his body, I hear his cry being echoed through the wind and his body shake with the pain. I place the arrow aside and move near the deer’s head and place it upon my lap, stroking his head. My brothers are getting closer as the blood on the deer’s chest darkens and widens. Death is always coming and is never avoidable. His breathing starts to get shallow, and I pull my arrow out of my satchel as I kiss the top of his head. I look into his eyes when I pull up, and I end his life with a single movement. His pain is over. One last stroke of his coat and my brothers are picking up his body to take back to our teepee to prepare for dinner.
I stand up and look at the blood that’s on my clothing and hands. The warm blood that coursed through the veins of the buck is now growing cold against the wind. I walk toward the stream that’s not far from the great oak and put my hands in the water. The water is shockingly cold and bitter against my skin as the blood runs along the stream’s current. Salmon are making their way up the stream, and I know if I really wanted to I could catch them with my bare hands. However, I don’t; we’ve already ended one life today; we don’t need to end another.
Leaving the salmon behind, I walk my way back home while the wind at my back is following my every footstep as the leaves die with every step I make. I make it back to our teepee and turn around and look at the view before me. Winter is coming soon, and a coat of snow will cover the world I see now. I know this not just from the view, but also from the smell. The frost and bitterness of winter flows through my nose and makes its pathway to my lungs. It will be here before the next full moon begins its path in the sky.
As I observe every aspect around me, the wind picks up and swirls around my feet, bringing the leaves to my knee level. I look back and see my grandmother standing at my back.
“You will one day be the beholder of all that contains this Earth. You understand the way it works and the magic that happens to it in every way. You understand what must happen and keep the cycle pure. You will be the reason the seasons change and the Earth thrives.” As she whispers this to me I keep looking upon the world. I feel the wind start to die down and the leaves make their way back to the ground. As it dies down I hear my grandmother humming a lullaby. When I turn to look at my grandmother she is no longer there, but her scent and humming are still upon the still wind.
I slowly open my eyes and I look up to the dream catcher that my mother had made hanging from a tree limb. Dream catchers serve the dream world as a spider’s net serves the spider. It catches everything the spider does not want to pass through. I sit up and look outside the flap, and snowflakes are floating their way to the ground as if gravity only plays a part in helping them fall.
It was all a dream, a dream that the spirits sent me to help me understand my part in life. My name is Nature and I am the reason the seasons change and the cycle of life continues. I may not understand the whole Earth now, but it’s the path I must take.
“Sweetheart, sweetheart, it’s time to wake up.” My grandmother’s voice floats into my dream, and I realize that I’m back in the hospital. “You were out through the whole story. Grandpa’s getting out of surgery and he’ll be back in the room in a couple minutes.”
I open my eyes and see my grandmother standing above me and I feel her hand against my skin, caressing my cheek. “Grandma, it was like I was her; I saw everything through her eyes.” I look at my grandmother, who is now walking away from me to look out the window and humming a tune that seems familiar. I vaguely remember that tune. “Grandma, is that story true, and is there more to it?” I ask as it dawns on me that she’s humming the same tune I heard in my dream.
“It’s as good as it’s ever going to get, baby doll, as good as it’s ever going to get.”
by Andrea Biklen, Campus Director, West Des Moines
John, an adult student, sits in my office with the schedule of spring classes between us. We squint at the list of courses; he leans forward and pulls his cell phone out of his back pocket. “Hold on. Let me check with my wife.”
Adult students live in a world that involves so many others: a spouse, a son and step-daughter, co-workers, friends at church, teammates on a volleyball team . . . The decision to return to school defines the time you spend with your inner circle of family and friends.
There are so many factors that can delay an adult student’s degree completion. The length of time that it takes to complete a degree should not be the primary issue, but rather finding a balance between work and family and school.
However, the single most contributing factor to success as an adult student is the support you receive from those around you. While we work hard as advisors to address your questions and concerns, it is often those nearest us who are the real helpers and stress reducers.
Who is that for you? Is it your husband, who takes the kids to the movie the night before your business law exam? Your teenager whose algebra homework gets mixed up on the table with your statistics assignment? The co-worker who recommended that you call Simpson when she found out that you wanted to complete your degree in marketing? The employer who values your work and is helping to pay for you to be a licensed CPA?
During the holiday season, give thanks for those who are helping to pave the road of your education. We at Simpson are grateful for them as well.
John smiles and puts down his phone. “She said we can adjust some things at home to make my class schedule work. Do you think I could take two classes and get done a bit sooner?”
I nod and point to a Saturday class. “This would be a good compliment to your weeknight class.”
Taking more classes might get you done sooner, but remember to make your family a priority as well. They are a part of your success!
Jamie Gilleland is a Continuing & Graduate student who transferred to Simpson in Fall 2009. She is employed at Farmers Mutual Hail Insurance Company as a MPCI Claims Specialist. When not at work or school, she enjoys traveling, playing softball and volleyball, running, and spending time with family and friends.
What prompted you to earn your degree?
My mother prompted me to earn my degree. As soon as I graduated high school in 2004, I began working full-time at Farmers Mutual Hail. The thought of college was out of mind while I collected paychecks. My mother began her college education in 2004 while in her early 40′s and working at Farmers Mutual Hail. She took advantage of their education reimbursement program and encouraged me to do the same.
What is your major and why did you select it?
My major is marketing with a minor in integrated marketing communication. When I first started my college degree, I was indecisive on a major. As I studied different aspects of business, marketing stood out to me. I’ve always been a creative mind and marketing allows me to be creative in the business world.
As a part of your Simpson Experience, you traveled abroad recently. Can you tell us a little bit about your experience? Would you do it again? Would you recommend it to other Continuing & Graduate students?
My experience abroad in China was unbelievable; words can barely explain the experience. Studying abroad gave me the chance to interact with the many Chinese cultures on a personal level. The interaction taught me the importance of adaptation for a future in global business. One must adapt to the culture to be successful within a country.
My fondest memories were observing the locals while they sang, danced, played games, and interacted amongst each other at the local parks. It was very entertaining to watch some of the other students join in the dances. This can never be experienced in the classroom alone. Not only would I take the opportunity to study abroad again, I highly recommend it to fellow Continuing & Graduate students. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience!
How has your experience at Simpson impacted your life?
Simpson has allowed me to interact and build relationships with other students of similar interests. Everyone brings his or her own life experience to the classroom; this carries over to the workplace.
What has stood out to you as a fundamental part of your Simpson Experience?
In my Simpson Experience, I’m thankful the Continuing & Graduate Program has allowed me to pursue my undergraduate degree while working full-time. The professors and staff are flexible and reliable and available to fit our busy schedules.
What do you plan to do once you graduate?
Once I graduate in December, I plan to take time off from school to focus on my career at Farmers Mutual Hail. To fill the void of school, I plan to start training for my second marathon and will help coach my nieces and nephews in their sports. I’m currently undecided with a graduate program, but I will continue my education within the next year.
With her transition from one culture to another, Lydia Sinapova, Professor of Computer Science, has a unique perspective that not many would have the chance experience. Since starting at Simpson in 1999, she has aided many students with their journeys toward success. In her free time, Lydia’s hobbies include travel, spending time with family and friends, reading, watching movies, solving puzzles, and even computer programming “just for fun” –in her own words.
How long have you been teaching at Simpson and what do you teach?
I have been teaching at Simpson since the Fall of 1999. I regularly teach Discrete Mathematics, Intro to Algorithms, Artificial Intelligence, Operating Systems, and Theory of Computation.
What makes teaching at Simpson unique?
Teaching small classes allows a high level of interaction with the students. I know all my students by their first names, and it is not unusual for them to share some of their personal experiences with me. At Simpson, I can work individually with students that need some help, and also with students who want to learn more than offered in the textbooks alone. Since 2003, I have engaged a number of students in undergraduate research. Several students have their work published and presented at the Midwest Instruction and Computing Symposium, and at the “Posters on the Hill” event organized by the Council on Undergraduate Research.
What do you enjoy most about working with adult students?
The students in the EW&G program are goal-oriented. They know what they want, they value their time, and they try to get the most out of each minute spent in class. I really admire their perseverance and willingness to learn.
Where did you graduate?
I received all my degrees at Sofia University, Bulgaria
Please tell us about your experience of becoming an American citizen.
Becoming an American citizen was a long journey. My husband was the first of our family to move to the USA in 1993. By that time, I was working on my PhD and stayed with our kids in Bulgaria to finish it. This was a very hard time for our family. I moved to the United States to join my husband in 1997. In 1999, I applied for a tenure track position at Simpson College and was hired. Eventually I received a green card, and later I applied for US citizenship. I became an American Citizen in March 2008.
Please tell us about your family and how you like to spend your free time.
My husband works for Iowa Student Loan Liquidation Corporation as a data analyst. My daughter teaches mathematics at the University of Illinois at Chicago. My son is a graduate student at Iowa State University.
What is your favorite vacation spot, favorite book, and/or favorite film?
Every summer I travel to Bulgaria to visit my relatives and friends. I like very much to read science fiction and fantasy books.
Commencement Ceremony, Saturday, December 15th, Smith Chapel, Indianola Campus
We wish to congratulate all EW&G students who took part in our Commencement ceremony Saturday, December 15th at Smith Chapel. Congratulations on your achievements!
New Student Orientation, Thursday, January 3rd, West Des Moines Campus
This is an important event for new students. Become acquainted with your fellow classmates, receive your Simpson email account and access to SCHOLAR (Simpson’s online learning tool), and have your photo taken for your student ID. This is an information session where you can feel free to ask any last minute questions as you start your journey towards Success!
Start of Spring ’13 and Term 3 Classes, Saturday, January 5th, All Simpson Campuses
Register now for your Spring ’13 classes!
Simpson Leadership Series, Dr. Douglas Dorner, Tuesday, February 26th, West Des Moines Campus
The Simpson Leadership Series welcomes Dr. Douglas Dorner, Senior Vice President for Mercy Medical Education and Research, as its special guest speaker the evening of Tuesday, February 26th.
Simpson Leadership Series, Sunnie Richer, Tuesday, March 26th, West Des Moines Campus
The Tuesday, March 26th edition of the Simpson Leadership Series will feature Sunnie Richer, former CEO and current Chair of Doextra Corporation, as our special guest.